New life goal

Or at least a reaffirmation of pre-existing life goals... To more like the latter.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/nancy-yan/2014/07/5-differences-between-the-guy-you-date-and-the-guy-you-marry/

Relationship philosophy

"You should be with somebody who treats you the way Kanye West treats Kanye West."

Slam Poetry reminds me why I love life so much

Heads up, lots of foul language (which is to be expected from a piece titled "Fuck you, old people") but if this isn't the most true thing you've heard about the stigma of our generation then I don't know what is. I'm going to listen to this when I get up for work in the morning. Maybe every day for a week. Basically what I'm trying to say is that it's really good...

http://youtu.be/yfeAwXOufJY

In other, non-profane news: something else that reminds me that life is beautiful is 2 hour phone calls where a solid part of the conversation is about how life is great, even when some people deserve to be punched in the junk and face by a speeding locomotive.

Goodnight world! Here's something I hope gets you to smile :)

Sex vs Intimacy

TMI? Maybe, but I don't see much validity in puritanical avoidance of or discomfort towards the whole subject.

Contrary to what media socialization would have me believe, I don't miss sex. Or at least sex is not the thing I miss about being in a relationship. 

I miss the intimacy: Being okay with vulnerability because someone else has you in their arms, sleeping with someone in the most literal and uncomplicated sense without any "strings attached", talking to someone while inches away, eye contact, hand squeezing, and the feeling of someone smiling with their head on your shoulder... Maybe a part of my baggage from past relationships was losing sight of that, but for the first time in a long time I feel like I've been getting it back. And it does hurt sometimes to recognize that longing resurfacing but not nearly as much as it thrills me to be doing so much better.

For clarification, I don't see sex and intimacy as diametrically opposed because that would either be ridiculous or terribly cynical. I just think (meaning "had the thought just now and will probably focus/clarify in my own mind as I think more about it") that maybe a big part of the Law of Chastity is so that we short-sighted mortal beings will have time and experiences to discover genuine, love-based intimacy which will then make every aspect, yes including sex, that much more meaningful, enriching, and even sustaining. Just thinking...

Sometimes the internet is great

Saw an explanation of feminism using the Great Mouse Detective and I love it. "If I create a fan club for mice, are you going to chastise me for not simultaneously creating a fan club for cats? If it doesn't exist, too bad for the cats, but that really doesn't reflect at all on the validity of a mouse fan club."

Thanks, Tumblr.

Getting rid of a toxic patriarchy is not about tearing men down. It's about lifting women up and liberating men from that which limits, hurts, and punishes them too.

This. Just this. Read it. It's nigh unto perfect.

http://johnpavlovitz.com/2014/06/20/young-men-sex-and-urge-ownership-and-why-its-not-the-girls-problem/

I agree so completely with everything this guy says. For lack of having more time, I will just say "ditto" and be done with it for now.

Getting an education vs Getting a spouse/family

Personally I fail to see why we tend to think of the two as mutually exclusive. I also think it's rather telling that  our society operates under the assumption that  this is a "women's issue" - which a different train of thought entirely that I will hold onto for some other time. But even though women are the ones biologically saddled with the entire burden of bearing children, men (or at least the ones who don't want to be awful husbands/fathers) face this apparent dichotomy too, albeit in very different ways.

However, there's a whole lot going on in that last bit I just wrote and I don't think I have that kind of time cuz I want to go ask more questions about potential graduate work. So here's my two cents on the whole idea of getting an education vs starting a family.

If someone is going to be a parent (stay-at-home or not), I think their own education should be monumentally important because their knowledge will impact how future generations are raised. Psychology/sociology helps understand human/social development; pedagogy is THE STUDY OF HOW TO TEACH and if you don't see how that connects then you're probably an infant gnawing on a smartphone; history gives one an awareness of the world in which the kids will grow up; the arts instill creativity and an ability to express oneself, etc. If you spend time spouse hunting that should be dedicated to learning you're doing a massive disservice to your future children. If it's important to you, I have absolutely no problem with someone spending most available free time doing so but not time that is set aside for self-improvement (and costing waaaaaay to much to justify being squandered).

I will admit that I am a little skeptical of people getting married in the first year or two of college (I know people for whom it has worked out wonderfully but part of me still screams "you don't even know who YOU are yet!"). But I'm not saying it's stupid to get married while getting an education or to start a family while getting an education. It was a different time but my parents started their family while my dad was going to college and working more than full-time. One of my earlier memories is him taking me outside and building a snowman/making snow angels with me - and looking back I'm sure he had homework he could have been doing instead. He graduated from Harvard with 3 kids and is an amazing, attentive father who  happily helps with housework and gives mom time to herself when she needs/wants it. (Edit: a mom who also worked while having 3 kids, and has since worked whenever circumstances permit with total support from my dad.)

That was probably off-track. Insert shrug here. I guess my thinking is as follows: I want to be with someone smart, with whom I can have mentally, spiritually, and emotionally engaging conversation and who will EVENTUALLY allow me to take an equal responsibility in raising children to be socially conscious, thoroughly encouraged, unconditionally loved, and hopefully kind. If I get married while either my wife or myself is pursuing an education that'd be awesome but I would not want that relationship to happen at the expense of that education. Maybe that means not popping kids out as soon as possible; maybe that means spending some nights helping her study; and MAYBE that could even mean not living together until that degree is earned elsewhere. I don't know how it will look, and no two relationships will - or even should - look the same. But I'd like it to look smart.

Death for my birthday

A) an excellent song by Say Anything about taking life for granted while we have it. Definitely worth a listen.

B) not my birthday "wish" but pondering mortality is, I feel, a natural consequence of contemplating one's life

C) I don't know when I will go or how, but if I had my druthers I'd opt for the "simultaneous passing with my wife in arm at a ripe, old age with great-grandchildren" because why wouldn't I?

D) I like the idea of a three-part funeral: first  the actual funeral, LDS style. Then the service in the back of the Delta Upsilon cornerstone, because I think it's beautiful. And finally a big old party with stupid stories and food and jokes and all that nonsense... Or being implanted into a cyborg with super powers, but barring science fiction of that magnitude being made available to someone with no plans for monumental wealth I will content myself with the already lofty idea mentioned previously.

All that aside, life is pretty excellent at the moment. I'm budgeting rather well (which is an accomplishment brought about by the constant reminder of needing to buy a car and wanting to be able to drive up to Logan again soon). Food is great and I'm able to eat it with incredible ease unlike far too many people in the world. I was able to realize that the "This is what a feminist looks like" sticker on my bag is more than just a conversation-starter & chance to engage in meaningful conversations; it's a reminder to myself to actually live up to what I want to be. And it's my birthday, which means I've survived quite a few revolutions around the sun thus far, which is nice (despite all the problems going on around the world and inside my own head).

Maybe most of all, I am incredibly blessed with the ability to think and to - on occasion - express those thoughts. I am able to feel and recognize pain in myself and others, empathize, fall in love, write, stub my toes, kiss, embrace, bleed, cry, read, and watch internet videos for hours. All of those things, even the crappy ones, are astonishing. Stuff may not always go well, and at times go horribly wrong, but in the overall expansive landscape of eternal progression all of it is beautiful. Even if I completely disagree with what I just said at the moment said crappy stuff is happening.

Happy birthday, self! Here's a reminder of your former bearded glory :)

Finally watched The Wedding Singer

I'd still like to see the musical... But I like the old lady talking about love in terms of (paraphrasing): not being about how you feel about *insert correct gender pronoun here*, but about how *gender pronoun* makes you feel about yourself.

Not a long post, but I really liked that idea...

Also, ever realize suddenly that it's your birthday and you'd totally forgotten about it? Cuz that was me today... Woohoo?

Thank you, George R R Martin, for Tyrion Lannister

I have spent the occasional bit of thought about the idea that we are all, to quote The Halfman, "cripples, bastards, and broken things" in our own individual ways.

That might sound a bit pessimistic but I think it's beautiful. I can only speak to my own experiential lens since I have never been another person, but I know that I am at times weak-willed, frail, insecure, anxious, and beset by the futility of the daily human struggle in the face of insurmountable & global social injustices... But that's okay because everyone else has some unique measure of their own suckiness. Some of us are addicts. Other people have cognitive challenges, deal with social stigmatization, or think that being a rich, educated, white guy in a robe with a gavel somehow gives them the right to restrict women's access to healthcare while demanding that insurance cover boner pills, penis implants, and vasectomies... But I digress :)

Syndrome (yes I'm referencing The Incredibles; the movie was great, sorrynotsorry) submitted the idea that when everyone is super, no one will be. But if we accept that premise, then the inverse is also true: when we realize that everyone is horribly flawed, no one will be. Not that I agree entirely with the premise of the argument, but the thought is enough to give pause and I rather enjoy entertaining the idea... Which I now realize could make me sound awfully pretentious. I have the ability to reword or change it to avoid that but, in the interest of genuine stream-of-consciousness, I shan't (which is less about me using pretentious language and more about how "shan't" is just so much fun to say).

Long story made short (too late), we are all "cripples, bastards, and broken things." So maybe we could all (myself included) try and be a little more open to the idea that there are plenty of burdens being carried around by everyone around the world and maybe we could spend just a little more time decreasing world-suck instead of adding the the already daunting piles of negativity. Just thinking "out loud".